I was watching “The Rock” the other day. You know…the movie where some Marines take over the prison on Alcatraz Island, and threaten to fire some missiles at San Francisco if they don’t get money for Veterans or something. And the missiles have some chemicals in them that are so dangerous that the Feds need to bring in Stanley Goodspeed, aka, Nicholas “Most Dramatic Actor Ever” Cage.
So, the entirety of the movie was about Cage and Sean Connery trying to stop the Marines before they could launch the missiles. The Marines’ plan, of course, was entirely dependent upon the govt. believing they would kill everyone with the rockets if they didn’t get the money. As I’m sure you remember though, Ed Harris wasn’t about to kill 80,000 innocent people, which resulted in everybody shooting each other and Goodspeed ultimately marrying his baby mama.
While watching The Rock, I thought of the Republicans in the House, as they figured out how to screw up the whole Fiscal Cliff thing. The Senate, to no one’s great surprise, passed a bill that raised taxes on anyone earning over $450,000, while not cutting any spending. Would the Republicans in the House fall into line, or would they do their job and vote down the bill? Well, like Ed Harris, too many on the right weren’t willing to blow up a few San Franciscans with chemical weapons. See, a threat of force is only as useful as one’s willingness to use it. The Republicans could have taken a stand against more taxes, more debt, and more unemployment, but instead many, including Speaker Boehner, folded.
Some will say “but Nash, it isn’t that bad. The bill makes the Bush tax rates for everyone earning under $450,000 permanent.” Sigh. It’s only as permanent as the next bill that raises taxes on everyone. Also, the legislation contains no cuts, and allows everyone’s payroll taxes to increase. In other words, the law sucks. In fact, it sucks to badly, that the only complaint the Dems could come up with was that it only taxed estates worth over $5 million. That’s it.
How does this legislation make me feel? Much like how Nicholas Cage feels about bees.
Angry. And fearful. With a side anaphylaxis.
The first thing I’m going to do when I become President of Everything is to make murder even more illegal than it already is. That’s silly, you say. I can’t make something that’s illegal more illegal, you say. Well, despite our best efforts, we have a crisis in this country. People are literally being murdered everyday. And not just gang-bangers or drug addicts, but white women and attractive teenagers! So I’m going to make it illegal-er to murder people. While I’m at it, I’m going to make it super illegal to murder women. That way, I’m more likely to convince stupid people that, not only am I against murder, I have a special place in my heart for murdered women.
In other news, the Senate Republicans filibustered an effort by the Dems to make paycheck discrimination against women even more illegal than it already is. In what I will refer to as the “Paycheck Extra-Fairness Act”, the Dems are attempting to deal with the fact that Romney is closing the gender gap. And by “deal,” I mean coming up with unnecessary legislation simply for the purpose of having the Republicans filibuster it. The Dems hope that such a filibuster will make the Republicans look like dirty old men who only value a woman for her ability to make coffee while wearing a sexy mesh leopard print spandex unitard bodysuit catsuit see-thru leotard.
Now, we’ve already told you that there is no discernible gender pay gap when men and women are doing the same thing for the same amount of time. It’s a combination of the differences in employment and time taken by women to have kids that skews salary. Don’t get me wrong. There are certainly sexist bosses out there. But there’s also a certain segment of the working population that consists of man-hating harpie feminists. And some people like to dress their cats up like wizards. My point is, it simply isn’t an issue that requires additional legislation. Gender discrimination has been illegal since the sixties. And with the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act which Barry signed into law two or so years ago, the statute of limitations for suing an employer for alleged discrimination was extended to, basically, forever.
Of course, the reality of the gender-pay issue isn’t going to stop the left from flying the mammary flag in the fictitious War on Women whenever possible. After all, I’m still hearing about how the Republican men are trying to take away a woman’s right to contraception, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Fact is, a lack of contraception would severely impact the inconsequential nature of the extramarital affairs that many of them take part in.
The Paycheck Fairness Act wouldn’t do anything to bring more “fairness” to the workplace, since the alleged lack of fairness doesn’t actually exist. What the Act would do is severely limit the defenses an employer may have to the discrimination charge while significantly increasing the potential money damages available to the employee. Oh, and it creates a training program to teach women how to negotiate for better wages, and provides an award for the best non-discriminatory business, along with some other nonsense…all at a cost of $15 million that we’ll need to borrow from China…a country that actually has a problem with discriminating against women. Sounds like a great idea.
Governor Scott Walker is undergoing his recall election today in Wisconsin. As many of you know by now, Walker and the newly-elected Republican majority in the Wisconsin legislature passed legislation severely limiting the public employee unions’ ability to collectively bargain. As a result of not having complete control of Wisconsin for the first time since, well, ever, the Democrats bussed in a bunch of angry people to come up with clever chants and take up space. They’ve also been hot on the “Recall Walker” trail since the day the collective-bargaining legislation was passed, which occurred while all of the Democratic Senators had run away to Rockford, Illinois. Who knew Wisconsinites could be so interesting?
We explained why public employees, as opposed to private employee unions, shouldn’t have the right to collectively bargain earlier in this blog. Simply put, unless every taxpayer is sitting across the table from the union rep, it isn’t really collective bargaining, since the taxpayers are paying for everything.
I expect Walker to win today. And then I expect the Democrats to both ask for a recount while simultaneously arguing the election was stolen by expensive television commercials. The reason why Walker will win is very simple: he’s done a good job. Before Walker and a Republican legislature were elected, the state was in debt. One year after the Republicans took control of everything, it will have a surplus.
But the state Department of Revenue now estimates that the state will take in about $265 million more than the bureau expected, which should translate to a $275.1 million surplus on June 30, and a $154.5 million surplus on June 30, 2013, Department of Administration Secretary Mike Huebsch wrote in a letter to Walker.
That’s a pretty impressive turnaround in one year. What’s more,
State law requires that if revenue exceeds initial projections, half of the surplus must be deposited in the state’s rainy day fund. If Walker’s projections hold, about $45.4 million would go into that fund after June 30.
That would mark the first time in state history that state officials have added to the fund in consecutive years, DOA spokeswoman Jocelyn Webster said. The Walker administration added $14.78 million at the close of the 2011 fiscal year, she said.
In other words, if the people of Wisconsin actually throw Walker out, then they get what they deserve.
Speaking of people who get what they deserve, let’s look at Illinois. It’s not just the results that should get Walker re-elected, it’s the trainwreck that keeps on keepin’ on down south. Unlike Wisconsin, public employee unions basically run the place in Illinois, and their desires go almost entirely unchecked. As a result, the state is $83 billion in the hole on their pensions, which is the worst in the country. No one seems to care. In other news, a recent poll revealed that 67% of Illinois residents expect it to rain money sometime in the near future.
Walker eliminated the deficit by cutting spending. Illinois Dems hope to solve the problem by increasing property taxes in the Chicago suburbs and downstate in order to pay for teacher pensions. This plan only failed because the Democratic governor discovered a map which reveals Illinois extends beyond Chicago.
So what have we learned? Wisconsin solved its deficit problem by cutting spending. Much of that cut resulted from eliminating collective bargaining for public employee unions, and forcing said employees to contribute more to their own pensions and benefits. This has resulted in school districts actually hiring more teachers. Illinois, on the other hand, continues in its nation-leading debt, largely due to pensions it can’t afford while it refuses to make any changes to the status quo. This stance will ultimately lead to increased taxes, unless Illinois begins to print its own money, which isn’t likely to be accepted as legal tender at Meijer. This will, in turn, cause me to move to Wisconsin, which may have been the Dems’ goal all along. I am, after all, very important.
So, what’s been going on since I’ve been out? Hmmm, Rick Santorum you say? Might actually challenge Mittens, you say? Is actually a conservative, you say? Well, this may get interesting.
I’ll admit it. I’m torn. Santorum may actually provide me with the opportunity to vote for a legitimate conservative who doesn’t think taking a stand on social issues is just for the left. Yeah, yeah, I know…it’s the economy stupid. That’s true, it is. But if you don’t think social issues matter, than you’ve got another thing coming. You want a healthy, vibrant society? Legalizing drugs probably isn’t the best answer. You want a society that respects the lives of its citizens? Murdering millions of people each year for the sake of convenience kinda waters that down, right?
Rick Santorum, I like the cut of your jib. The problem is, can you win? Can you beat B.O.? That’s the question we all need to be asking ourselves. Sure, Mitt ain’t the most conservative guy in the world, but he’d be better on the economy than the guy who wants to give you $10,000 to buy a thoroughly combustible Chevy Volt. And Mitt’s Jello when it comes to social issues. Which means he won’t offend the independents. And we all need the independents.
Our society has broken down into three groups. The 42% who describe themselves as conservative; the 20% who describe themselves as liberal; and everyone else. I don’t care who the GOP puts up there against Barry. Put a wig on Gorbachev to cover up that birthmark/map of Asia thing, and we’d vote for him. And the left continues to be enamored with the guy because he fulfills their need for solid speeches. Thus, the independents/moderates will decide who wins. And as we all know, if you identify yourself as an “independent,” then you’re really just telling everyone that you’re the type of person who can’t make a decision and/or is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Too harsh? Maybe, but only a little. I call independents “surface voters,” because that’s about as far as they choose to get in their analysis of any issue. After all, if they went deeper, they’d pick a side. So, what makes the life of the surfacer content? Vague statements about “feeding the poor” or “housing the homeless” or any comment containing the word “fair.” No, independents are not liberals. If they were, then they would have bumper stickers on their cars referencing tolerance, while at the same time they fail to understand that the government forcing Catholic hospitals to supply their employees with contraceptives is the exact opposite thereof.
Can Santorum win independents by being pro-life, anti-gay marriage, and honest about the fact that we can’t afford to provide free health care to everyone? I’m not sure. And we need to win this election. It’s not the most important election of our generation (that was 2008 and we blew it), but it’s in the top five. So, before I decide who I’ll be voting for on a Tuesday in March, I’m going to sit back and try and figure out who can win in November.