Posts Tagged ‘Defies Tags’

His genitals will never be the same

June 7, 2010 3 comments

Dad Accused of Using Stun Gun on Daughter’s Friend Over Naked Photo

Well, I never thought this day would come, but it has: I get to use the word ‘genitals’ in a post.  William Atwood.  Remember that name, because he is, without question, the greatest father in the world.  Apparently some 23 year old ass-hat decided to send Mr. Atwood’s precious 17 year old daughter a picture of his family jewels.  So Mr. Atwood did what any good father would do: he invited the Spawn of Satan to his home, kindly advised him take off his clothes, bound his wrists and ankles for safety, and tasered the crap out of him.  I have been assured by several unnamed sources, that the following is a video of the event:

And to prove just how truly awesome he was, Mr. Atwood concluded the tazing by asking the soul-less young man if he enjoyed the experience.

Oh yeah, apparently before the shock treatment, Mr. Atwood advised the lad that he had connections with the Pechanga tribe and was going to have him buried on the reservation.

Deputies found Moore at Atwood’s home naked, tied up and extremely frightened.

You can file that away in the “goes without saying” drawer.


Here comes an increase in pot prices

May 28, 2010 2 comments

Oakland Pot Club Says Union, Yes!

At a ceremony hosted by Oakland City Council”s Rebecca Kaplan, 100 employees at medical marijuana dispensary and education hub Oaksterdam University turned in their membership cards to join the United Food and Commercial Workers Union, Local 5.

Terrific.  Now I’m not going to be able to afford the pot I use to make sure I don’t go blinder.  Joining a union is only going to increase the price of a dime-bag.  And don’t give me this, “well now you’re getting trained pot purveyors” or “you’ll get higher quality pot.”  I just don’t see the value in unionizing here.  Just sayin’.

Oaksterdam University?!

Mosque at Ground Zero: Why?

May 26, 2010 2 comments

NYers wage jihad vs. WTC mosque

So some muslims want to build a mosque at Ground Zero in New York.  Why?  I don’t know.  I’m not sure anyone knows.  I’m not even sure the Imam himself knows.

Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, the head of the Cordoba Institute, which is in charge of the project, insisted that the site would help “bridge the great divide” between Muslims and the rest of America.

How exactly would building a mosque at Ground Zero help bridge that divide?  I can’t think of any rational person that would believe that.  Maybe the Imam’s wife can convince me:

Rauf’s wife, Daisy Khan, followed him to the microphone to pitched the planned community facility as “much needed party space and much needed venue space” for the area.

Party space?  Are you serious?  Is Ground Zero an appropriate location to throw parties…ever?  I feel like some large piece of necessary information is lacking.  Now, I’m not asserting that any of the muslims who would be attending the mosque were pleased with 9/11.  However, I am wondering why Imam Rauf would choose Ground Zero to build a mosque.  This is something a stupid teenager would think of in high school.  You know what I’m talking about.  Some kid thinks up the most offensive thing possible, and then does it just to create controversy.  Can’t they build the mosque somewhere else?

But then it gets weirder:

Catholic priest Kevin Madigan, of St. Peter’s Church, which is about a block away, agreed.

“I think they need to establish a place such as this for people of goodwill from mainline Christian, Jewish and Muslim faiths so we can come together to talk,” Madigan said.

Is this political correctness run amok?  How could anyone possibly think a mosque built on Ground Zero would foster goodwill?

Even more inexplicable than the foregoing is the Community Board voting 29-1 in favor of it. What the hell is a “Community Board” anyway, and who makes up the esteemed Board?

The board has no official say over whether the estimated $100 million mosque and community center gets built. But the panel’s support, or lack of it, is considered important in influencing public opinion.

Oh.  Is this just a New York thing?  Boards with no authority being created in order to vote on important issues that cause near riots?  It would seem that the smartest thing to do would be to simply say “no” to the mosque, and build a permanent memorial.  But what do I know?

Categories: And More Tags: , ,

I hereby declare myself an artist

May 17, 2010 Leave a comment

Nancy Pelosi, I have nothing to say about your recent speech.  In fact, it defies explanation.

However, when in Rome, right? I previously thought it was just a hobby, but now I’m going full time. My project: create an exact replica of my ass in my couch cushion. It’s a relatively new couch, so it may take some time. I appreciate the health care Nancy, because I will likely develop bedsores from all the time I will be working on my project and they may get infected.

This guys is bats

May 14, 2010 Leave a comment

Iranian cleric defends earthquake-promiscuity link

I’m going to use this on my daughter some day.

A prominent hard-line Iranian cleric who said promiscuity and immodest dress cause earthquakes says God may be holding off on natural disasters in the West in order to let people sin more and consign themselves to hell.

Iran was recently named to the U.N. women’s rights council.  ‘Nuff said.

Whatever happened to fat camp?

May 13, 2010 2 comments

The Federal Fat Police: Bill Would Require Government to Track Body Mass of American Children

Wow.  Just wow.

States receiving federal grants provided for in the bill would be required to annually track the Body Mass Index of all children ages 2 through 18. The grant-receiving states would be required to mandate that all health care providers in the state determine the Body Mass Index of all their patients in the 2-to-18 age bracket and then report that information to the state government. The state government, in turn, would be required to report the information to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services for analysis.

You read that correctly.  The so-called Healthy Choices Act will require states to report the body mass index of our kids to the federal government, who will then, well, i’m not sure exactly what it’ll do.  I find this reassuring though:

It is important to note that no one is forced to come in for a doctor’s visit to get their BMI tested.  BMI will be taken at times when the child makes an otherwise scheduled doctor’s visit.

Well, it’s only reassuring if my kids don’t get sick between the ages of 2 and 18.  Good thing they’re not testing my kids before they’re 2 yrs. old though…they’re Dutch.

Why, you may ask, is the government doing this?

“Making the healthy choice the easy choice for our families is essential to ensuring our quality of life,” Kind said. “I am pleased to work on legislation that helps provide the opportunities that meet the needs of busy American families.”

Well, that makes sense.  I am busy.  I’m glad to know that the same government who is spending actual time and tax dollars on “potty parity,” and misplaces millions of dollars like it’s loose change is going to help me keep my kids from being fat.

Anyone notice what’s missing in this article?  That’s right…what is the govt. going to do when it decides our kids are too fat?  Forced jazzercise?  colonics?  federal employees whose only job is to make fun of our children for being fat?  -sigh-

I would just like to repeat: Michelle “lets keep the junk out of your trunk” Obama was NOT ON THE BALLOT!

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: ,

The U.N. is quickly becoming a parody of itself.

May 13, 2010 Leave a comment
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