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Public School To Investigate Intent Behind Groin-Kick

December 5, 2011 2 comments

Stop sexually harassing that pole!

Well, it’s come to this.  Society’s obsession with political-correctness (or is it just the public schools’ obsession with sex…hmmmm…) has turned the Bureaucracy of the Bored and Useless, i.e., public school administrators, on a seven year old kid for defending himself.

A 7-year-old boy is being investigated by his South Boston elementary school for possible sexual harassment after kicking another boy in the crotch.

[…]

Lynch’s son, Mark Curran, said the boy that he kicked had been bullying him on the school bus ride home from Tynan Elementary last week.

Sexual harassment?  For a kick to the  family jewels?  By a seven year old?  Did the kid perform some sort of ninja-cupping action with his foot in the process?  The school’s explanation:

‘Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment,’ Lynch said the school told her.

I call it an unnatural obsession with testicles.

This is dumb.  What happens if the B.B.S. finds that the seven year old actually acted with the intent of sexually harassing the bully?  What if he was just being insensitive to the bully’s feelings?  Is he then branded a sexual harasser?  And what then?  Does it go in the dreaded permanent file?  Is there a special board in the school where the testicle-kickers are listed for purposes of scorn and mocking?  Are there multiple boards?  What about the “titty-twister” board?  Or the “insensitive rhymes” board?  I used to love the old “Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, Look at These” chant.  I don’t think I sexually harassed anyone.  Of course, I was ten, so I’m not sure I knew what either sexual or harassment were, let alone what constituted sexual harassment.  If I had known though, I wouldn’t have wasted my opportunity on the school bully, if you know what I mean (that was a veiled reference at holding hands.  So calm down mom).

In any event, another wonderful example of your tax dollars at work.

Algore to generate world’s electricity from the thrust of his loins.

June 24, 2010 1 comment

Come hither, for I am Algore!

Rumors, rumors, rumors.  Sexy gossip is usually beneath this esteemed blog…but not when it involves Algore.  We chronicled reports of Captain Planet’s alleged affair with Larry David’s ex-wife circa last week.  Now, there are reports on the Smoking Gun of the former VP mouth-raping a masseuse in October 2006.  The Hand Professional described her encounter thusly:

she portrayed [Algore] as a tipsy, handsy predator who forced her to drink Grand Marnier, pinned her to a bed, and forcibly French kissed her. The woman’s statement–which could be mistaken for R-rated Vice Presidential fan fiction–describes Gore as a man with a ‘violent temper as well as extremely dictatorial commanding attitude besides his Mr. Smiley Global Warming concern persona.’

Clearly recognizing the severity, and hilarity, of the situation, the masseuse made sure to save her black pants after discovering what she believed to be Mr. Smiley’s “bodily fluids.”  Hey Horatio, bring the DNA kit!

In her statement given to the Portland police in January 2009, Magic Fingers described Algore as a”giggling ‘crazed sex poodle’ who gave a ‘come hither’ look.”  I may not know a lot of things, but I know this: Mother Nature is a jealous minx, and the C.S.P.’s skirt-chasing will not go unpunished.

11:00 p.m. Post: Because everybody likes naked people

May 17, 2010 Leave a comment

Commuters travel to work on the Tube NAKED to help boost company’s bottom line

And why not?  More nudity could lead to more people utilizing public transportation, thereby leading to a greener planet, right?  But then again, I always seemed to end up on the train with a rather large, sweaty white guy in the seat behind me blasting some techno/Bee-Gee’s remix from his ipod.  I’m a pretty tolerant guy, but that’s a lot of man thigh.  Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.

For those of you who may read this tonight, sweet dreams.  For those of you reading this with your morning Cheerios…go back to bed.

God save the Queen.

I hope it’s better than Jaws 3

May 11, 2010 Leave a comment

Playboy `Readers\’ Get 3-D Centerfold

One small step for dirty old men, one giant leap for those waiting for a “Weird Science” reality show…

“What would people most like to see in 3-D?” asked Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. “Probably a naked lady.”

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