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Mailman fertilizes yard for free…gets new route.

May 27, 2011 Leave a comment

To be standard issue for mailmen everywhere?

You couldn’t make this stuff up.  Here’s the headline:

Mail carrier who defecated in yard gets to keep job

There really isn’t much more that can be said.  Apparently the mailman had to go while on the job…so he went.  Neighbor Don Derfler, who found the mailman’s behavior “odd,” began taking pictures.  The mailman has recently learned that he will keep his job, but get a different route.  Maybe he should invest in one of those Japanese portable toilets.  Derfler’s take on the incident:

‘We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature,’ Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. ‘To come on to our property and to defecate – it’s just wrong.’

Yes.  Yes it is.

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Delaware’s Supreme Court offers some sanity

February 23, 2011 1 comment

You want an example of people who would get stepped on by elephants if Darwin truly ruled the world?  Well here you go.  On October 12, 2007, before a showing of Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married?”, David Stewart, Manager of a Dover, Delaware move theater, stood up in front of a sold-out crowd and asked them to remain quiet during the movie and to make sure their cell phones were silenced.  Sounds reasonable, right?  I know I’ve personally experienced a movie theater manager ask a sold-out crowd to please be quiet.  In fact, I welcome someone else telling the guy behind me to shut up.

Well, because we live in a country where having psychological problems is viewed as a positive, someone was so offended by Mr. Stewart’s request, that she stood up, advised the manager that she was offended, and proceeded to take the names and phone numbers of other people in the crowd who were offended.  See, the crowd was almost entirely black, and the movie was “minority-themed,” and therefore, Mr. Stewart’s request must have been racially-motivated.

Yes, this really happened.  In the crowd at the time of the request was none other than Juana Fuentes-Bowles, the Director of the state’s Human Relations Division.  Her feelings were hurt.  Apparently some others in the crowd felt like Mr. Stewart was condescending, and talking to them like children.  Of course, lost in all of this hullabaloo is the fact that large numbers of people of all races are stupid act like children, especially when they forget to shut off their cell phones during a movie that I paid almost $10 to watch.  This is why I no longer go to movies.

So, what happened to the Dover theater, you ask? 

In 2008, a three-member panel of the [Human Relations] commission ruled that the announcement violated Delaware’s equal access law — though everyone in the theater was still able to see the film — because the circumstances were hostile and one that any reasonable person would find objectionable.

The commission then awarded each of the people who complained $1,500 in damages, fined the cinema $5,000 and ordered it to pay more than $20,000 in the plaintiffs’ attorneys’ fees and costs.

In all, the theater was ordered to pay nearly $80,000.00 as a result of asking movie-goers who happened to be black, to please be quiet.  I’m not embarrassed to say that people like Ms. Fuentes-Bowles make this country a crappier place to live.  I detest her, as well as the entire Human Relations Commission.  I don’t even know what the Commission does, but this case has already proved that whatever purpose it may serve, it’s the equivalent of me ripping my right arm off and beating myself with it.

Fortunately, the Delaware Supreme Court hasn’t completely lost its mind, and it reversed the Commission’s ruling.  The court found no evidence of racism.  Of course, it only took almost four freakin’ years to reverse the stupidity of…that’s right…the government.

If I were a Delaware tax-payer, I would be livid.   Ms. Fuentes-Bowles, and her stupid Division, and the stupid representatives that created the stupid Division, and every single person who believes the foregoing list of peoples aren’t stupid, should all be shot into space on a Soviet-era rocket.  Why?  Well for one thing, they’re competing with me for oxygen. 

These are the people that populate the bloated bureaucracy that infects all levels of government.  These are people that are paid with citizen tax dollars.  And what purpose do they serve?  They’re community agitators.  That’s all.  The entire system should be disbanded and they should all be forced to get real jobs.  There.  I said it.

And the grand finale?

Christopher R. Portante, a spokesman for the Delaware Department of State, which oversees Human Relations, said the department ‘stands behind’ the commission’s decision.

Of course it does.  It’s full of complete lunatics just like the hyphenator.  Hey, I wonder if Wisconsin has a Human Relations Commission?

I have adult ADHD…but only when i’m doing stuff that sucks

June 7, 2010 Leave a comment

Quiz: Do You Have Adult ADHD?

Thanks to a quiz at Health.com, which I’ve linked above, I now realize why I’m so bored and/or distracted at work…I have adult ADHD!  I took the quiz and scored off the chart.  Now when the boss asks why I’m constantly playing Bejeweled Blitz at work, I can provide him with a totally legit medical diagnosis.  Fortunately, there wasn’t a category for “how long can you sit around playing xbox” or “how often do you get distracted while watching football.”  That would have totally ruined my score.

Categories: And More, health, WTF Tags: , ,

His genitals will never be the same

June 7, 2010 3 comments

Dad Accused of Using Stun Gun on Daughter’s Friend Over Naked Photo

Well, I never thought this day would come, but it has: I get to use the word ‘genitals’ in a post.  William Atwood.  Remember that name, because he is, without question, the greatest father in the world.  Apparently some 23 year old ass-hat decided to send Mr. Atwood’s precious 17 year old daughter a picture of his family jewels.  So Mr. Atwood did what any good father would do: he invited the Spawn of Satan to his home, kindly advised him take off his clothes, bound his wrists and ankles for safety, and tasered the crap out of him.  I have been assured by several unnamed sources, that the following is a video of the event:

And to prove just how truly awesome he was, Mr. Atwood concluded the tazing by asking the soul-less young man if he enjoyed the experience.

Oh yeah, apparently before the shock treatment, Mr. Atwood advised the lad that he had connections with the Pechanga tribe and was going to have him buried on the reservation.

Deputies found Moore at Atwood’s home naked, tied up and extremely frightened.

You can file that away in the “goes without saying” drawer.

This reminds me a story

May 28, 2010 Leave a comment

Woman left sleeping on plane sues airline

Ginger did not enjoy her three hour tour...sleeping.

Woman on Plane (W.O.P.), I feel your pain.  One moment, you’re laying your head back to take a snooze, and the next thing you know, you wake up, and you’re alone in the dark.

Apparently, W.O.P. fell asleep on her flight from Dulles International to Philadelphia.  She must have been really tired, because she woke up some three hours after the plane arrived.  After she woke up, she was forced to be on the plane alone for an additional fifteen minutes before being released from her hellish confines.  She had a cell phone, and used it to check the time, but never thought about using it to call somebody.  I’m guessing she was busy trying to get into the alcohol closet and grab some of those little bottles of liquor.

After her “horrifying” fifteen minutes, which must have truly been horrifying since she forgot how to use her cell phone, she did what any red-blooded American would do: she sued the airline.  Just to make sure she didn’t waste her incredible tale of bravery in the face of what might have been the end of her, she retained none other than Goeffrey Feiger.  That’s right…the guy who defended Jack Kevorkian (and ran for governor in Michigan…as a Democrat I might add).  She’s claiming, amongst other things, false imprisonment…for fifteen minutes?  WTF?  Good luck with that lawsuit Einstein.

By the way, I do feel W.O.P.’s pain.  I was riding the Metra into Chicago one snowy morning when I fell asleep.  Next thing I knew, I woke up in the train yard.  After I found an open door, and began walking towards downtown through gigantic snowbanks, I ran into a Metra employee.  What did he say?  “Fell asleep huh?”  Apparently this had happened before.  I should have sued the bastards.  My claim would have been even more compelling than W.O.P.’s., since I didn’t have any of those little bottles of liquor to keep me warm.

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