I’ve decided. Newt sucks. Vote for Mittens.
Is it just me, or has this whole “Republican Primary” thing somehow turned into the opening act for America’s version of the Night of the Long Knives? Personally, I blame Newt and his anger at anyone who doesn’t find him to be the smartest guy in the room. Now, don’t get me wrong; he might be the smartest guy in the room. But he’s certainly not a guy I’d trust with my collection of 1984 World Series champion Detroit Tigers baseball cards. Plus, people who act like they’re the smartest ones in the room usually aren’t. Ask my wife.
It seems like everyone has gone crazy; with the exception of Mittens…who doesn’t have enough personality to go crazy. Seriously, why is everyone who claims to be a “conservative,” but didn’t have the balls, or ability, to run a successful campaign, hating on Mitt (I’m looking at you Palin and Perry)? And more importantly, why are they throwing their support to Gingrich? Santorum I could understand. But Gingrich?
Newt fails every “conservative” test you throw at him. Hell, he fails most “decent person” tests. While I admittedly don’t spend too much time on the personal lives of my candidates, character does matter (at least a little). And Newt has none. In fact, he owes me for character I let him borrow last week. He’s cheated on two wives, while asking the second to marry him while he was still married to the first. And if you believe the second wife, Newt only divorced her after she refused to be part of an open marriage with his current wife. Classy.
In addition to being a gigolo without the hourly rate, Newt’s also a liar. The attack he made on Romney for the whole Bain Capital thing contained more inaccuracies than one of my algebra tests in high school. For crying out loud, some of the “victims of Romney” in the video have admitted they weren’t even talking about Romney or Bain.
And of course, the whole Bain Capital thing transitions nicely right into my primary complaints against his candidacy: he’s an enemy of the right. First, he attacked Paul Ryan’s budget. That’s right. Newt attacked the only guy who actually put pen to paper and stuck his neck out in an effort to reform Medicare and Social Security. Next, he attacks Romney/Bain for investing in failing businesses, saving them, and then having the nerve to make a profit. In other words, he attacked capitalism.
And then there are his positions on illegal immigration (let ’em stay) and man-made global warming (it sure is hot in here). Finally, he got booted from being Speaker of the House by his own party, for being an unethical jerk. Oh, and most important of all: he’d get killed in a national election.
Those that support Newt argue that he’s full of good ideas. So was Darth Vader. In other words, let’s ignore the obnoxious kid in the class who is always telling the teacher he’s wrong, and vote for Mittens.