My medal must be in the mail.
Well, apparently Patton was wrong. The key to winning a war isn’t killing the enemy before he kills you, but hoping that he misses you first. In an exciting twist, the military is considering offering a medal for “courageous restraint.”
“The idea is consistent with our approach,” explained Air Force Lt. Col. Tadd Sholtis. “Our young men and women display remarkable courage every day, including situations where they refrain from using lethal force, even at risk to themselves, in order to prevent possible harm to civilians. In some situations our forces face in Afghanistan, that restraint is an act of discipline and courage not much different than those seen in combat actions.”
This is exciting because I expect to be receiving my medal any day now. I seemingly exhibit “courageous restraint” everyday.
No worries though, we are still allowing our military the right to shoot back, in the event the bad guy misses.
“We absolutely support the right of our forces to defend themselves,” Sholtis said.
Well, that’s a relief. Before Obama, the soldier’s “right to defend himself” rule kinda’ went without sayin’. But, because of Obama’s success in making friends in the middle-east, our enemies have agreed to wear shirts that read, “i’m here to kill you,” while civilians will wear shirts that read, “thank you for your restraint.” To make things even easier, the “kill you” shirts will be green, and the “restraint” shirts will be red.
Tomorrow, the military will brief us on the “paratrooper’s right to open his shoot before landing” policy.
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